2
Jun
2012
0

Helpless

Today was my day to stay with Dani. It’s my first in the “master schedule”. The shit that went down this week would make your head spin. But that’s not my story to tell.

I will say how it has made me feel: angry. But at this point I don’t have time to be angry because my bestie needs me. She doesn’t need to have negative energy in the house so I set it aside. What you should know is that in just a few short days friends came together and put in place a Plan B.

I arrived at the house early so James can get off to work. Everyone is still asleep. As the boys wake up the routine begins. Pee. Diaper change. TV. Breakie. TV. Negotiations to get dressed. TV. Lost patience (Poot is testing me by this point). Poot gets dressed. TV (it’s just easier to give in). Dani wakes up. Run Poot over to daycare. Back home. Gar fusses. Put him in front of TV.

Sigh. Dani and I finally have tea. It’s our thing – another sign that things are on their way to being “normal”. Yes, I keep convincing myself that things are “normal” even though I haven’t processed what the new “normal” is. It’s a coping mechanism I suppose.

Today Dani’s drains are to come out. For anyone who has not been through this before (which trust me, this was all new to me), mastectomy patients have draining tubes put in to help with healing. They help clear lymphatic fluid and blood from the surgical area. There is a grenade looking pump on the end of them.

A homecare nurse has been visiting all week to ensure bandages are changed, incisions are cleaned and overall post-mastectomy recovery is going ok. Today the nurse was scheduled to remove her drains. WAS.

When the nurse arrives (I want to say her name was Stephanie but it could be Matilda for all I remember) they head off to the bedroom. I get Gar’s lunch ready and start to feed him.

A loud, piercing shriek comes from the bedroom. I cringe.

Another yelp of pain. I want to run to Dani but don’t want to alarm the 15 month old.

This time it’s a bawl of pain. Helplessness sets in. I am almost sick to my stomach – partly because I have no idea what is going on and mostly because I can’t do a damn thing about it.

Finally both Dani and Nurse Stephanie (at least we’ll call her that) come out. The drains won’t come out. A week was too long to have them in and her body started to heal around them. Fack me – can something just please go right???

Let the game “what the fuck do we do now” begin. Message is left with the surgeons office. A text to James. Then a call to TeleHealth. An hour later it is decided that a trip to emergency is best.

It’s 2:30 pm by this point. I have just enough time to drive Dani to emergency where she is meeting James and get back in time to get Poot off the bus. Mission: BoobTube launched.

By this point Dani’s good friend Gina had caught wind of what is happening. She offered to bring dinner. I giv’er my best “I got this” but am so unbelievably relieved when she just shows up. We feed the boys. Gina is guru in the kitchen. While it may have just been taco casserole it saved me. I had no energy. It was in that moment that I realized I hadn’t eaten yet and had nothing left.

James mom arrived not long after. Doesn’t ask a thing about Dani. Weird. She does have cancer, no? Have I not been living in a nightmare for weeks now?!

Not long after the boys are fed Dani & James arrive home from emergency. A lorazepam later the docs remove the tubes and Dani is back in la-la land. I lay in bed with her.  We both cry over the craziness of the day before she starts laughing and asks “what is going on?”  Yup. She’s stoned. Time for me to go.

0

Leave your babble below