Pseudo Mommy

I am writing this with my eyes half shut. I’m exhausted. I couldn’t figure out where the off button was on the kiddos this weekend. No battery door either or I would have pulled them out. Yes folks, I did my first overnight. Sweet mother of pearl. These kids could outlast the Energizer Bunny. I SWEAR!

Last Monday Dani had her second round of chemo. Same as round 1, she was nauseous for the first 12 hours or so and it subsided. Tinny taste in her mouth again but nothing that couldn’t be solved with GinGins.

As you can imagine, when something as catastrophic as cancer hits your family, every one’s life is turned upside down. Between doctors appointments, research, surgeries, people in and out of your house, there’s not a whole lot of time at the end of the day for couples. So I gave Dani & Jamers the weekend off. They headed to the cottage for some much needed rejuvenation and bonding.

I‘ve been spending a lot of time with the boys. I was with them every Tuesday, Thursday and every second Friday through June (those were my baby sitting days). And then there were the times I was just there for visits or a few hours to sit. In my mind: I.Got.This.

I arrived at Dani’s in the early afternoon so they could get up to the cottage to enjoy the day. I swear 15 seconds later they were waving running to the car leaving a trail of dust behind them. Sheesh, think they were excited for this?

Alright boys, it’s just you and me. All.Night.Long.

Dani & Jamers have a great back yard. It’s a playground for all ages. The boys just want to swim. I have to negotiate with them (I’m too nervous to go in with a 5 1/2 year old and 15 month old so we’re waiting for Aaron). We play restaurant on the play structure. Go inside and get a snack (you have no idea how hungry restaurant can make you!). And then Aaron arrives.

Swimsuits on and we’re in the pool!! That’s when anxiety started to kick in. I love the water. Always have. Am I decent swimmer. But it is different when you’re responsible for two little lives around water. And concrete edges. And diving boards. Holy did I see things from a different perspective.

All GarBear wanted to do was go off the diving board. Yes, 15 months old and jumping off the diving board. Except here’s the thing – he doesn’t yet understand the concept of jumping out from the diving board. So he runs down and off it. There are probably 18 different times when the back of his head barely misses the board. Enough of this game.

Poot and Aaron are playing another game: who has more stamina – Aaron or Poot. Poot is like a cling-on. He’s locked his arms around Arob’s neck as they thrash in the water. Arob’s mission is to unleash him and throw him as far as he can in the water. Poot wins.

After what feels like 6 hours in the pool, we head inside. Dinner on the go. I’m in the kitchen doing it up like Martha <insert sarcasm> when out of the corner of my eye I see GarBear headed face first over the BACK of the chair.

“What the eff Aaron? Were you not watching him???” I’m yelling. Banshee like.

I swoop Gar into my arms and examine the goose egg. Fack me, my one job is to keep these children alive and right now I feel like I have a 50-50 chance.

He settles. Dinner is pretty quiet. Hey, maybe the batteries are draining.

After dinner it’s PJs and quiet time. The boys snuggle right in to Aaron.

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Heart Warming
Bedtime. Aaron decides he’s going to go home. Wait? Wha?? (this is when my eyes pop out of my head) Whatever. Go. Again I become frustrated with the support – or lack of – but I’ve got littles to take care of.
The boys easily go down and I decide I should too. They’re both normally up through the night either to pee or whatever 15 month olds do in the middle of the night. That’s what I’m told anyway. Neither of them sleep through the night.
Funny enough though, I don’t fall asleep. Anxiety overdrive. What if they don’t wake up? What if Gar has a concusission? Wait a minute, did he just stop breathing?
This was my night. The WHOLE night. I’m waiting. And waiting. And waiting. And finally at 6:45 am, I finally hear the stirring. 6:45???? You were supposed to be up hours ago!!!
Oh well, it’s not about me, right? It’s about Dani and James having time together. Anderson has a play date scheduled for the morning. It’s just me and Gar. We go for a walk. Spend some time outside. Close our eyes (ok, maybe that was just me). Hey, I had him caged up so it’s not like he could escape.
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breast cancer blog; best friends support;
And then mommy & daddy come home. Well rested. It makes me happy.
It’s 8:35 pm and I am off to get some sleep. Night y’all.

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